She stood her ground

It is a Miracle

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:39:45 GMT

I walked on the treadmill today - and I loved it!

These words are so foreign to me. I can't recall a time in my life that I've enjoyed exercise. I mean - exercise for the purpose of exercise. I can enjoy a walk with a friend or the kids, or a swim. But - I've never ever been able to say that I loved walking on the treadmill.

But, today was different. I decided earlier today - that this was it. I am not this fat person. I'm carrying all of this extra weight - and the me I know is hidden inside somewhere. And, it wasn't a defeated decision either. It was a determined, while desperate decision that I've got to start changing my life - and that means making time for myself to walk on the treadmill after work.

So - I walked in the door - assigned the baby to Paige to watch and got started. I had my Ipod and I really enjoyed myself. I was dancing while walking - and singing.

At one point - the kids came in to watch me because the baby was crying and wanted me. So - they laughed and said I was silly when I was dancing - and singing badly - but I had fun.

25 minutes later I'd walked a mile and felt so good. I could have kept going - but mommy duties were calling.

I feel great! I'm proud of myself - and amazed by this change in attitude.

Easter Eggs

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 17:23:58 GMT

We dyed Easter eggs yesterday. Alaina did it for a little while - then got mad when I told her that she couldn't drink the dye water. So she started crying - I held her - and then she ended up on the couch watching tv. At least I got some pics of her before she gave up on it.

Here they are!

[img]http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/2387/32208019bq1.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/8539/32208022yq4.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/161/32208015be0.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/4109/32208018pd6.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/2161/32208021qp7.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/2387/32208019bq1.jpg[/img]

Blogging just to Blog

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 01:56:36 GMT

So, it has been a wikedly long time since I posted. I've been nagged about it by more than one friend - so here I am with nothing of substance to say.

So - work is nutty. I love love love my job. But times like these demonstrate the stupidity that can be shown working for the government. Not that my experience with Corporate America was any better.

My kids are on spring break this week, so spending lots and lots of time doing nothing. But, I've been very proud of Paige. She came downstairs last night with three bags of trash and a basket of dirty clothes. She has been cleaning in her room on her own - with no encouragement from me. I'm glad that she has found the motivation to do it.

Alaina has been adorable lately. She is talking so much and comes up with the cutest things to say. Last Friday, my Dad picked her up from daycare so I could work late. When they were driving home, Alaina chirps up from the back seat... "Grandpa! Grandma has a duck on a stick!" He was utterly confused. "A duck on a stick?" Alaina - "Yeah - a duck on a stick." Well - my mom has an umbrella that has a duck handle. LOL - that was her duck on a stick.

I had a mini-pregnancy scare this week. My period was late by about a week. I started freaking out. I'd love to have another baby - but I don't think we'll ever have another. So, part of me really wanted it - other parts of me was so worried about it. I freaked out for nothing. Walked in the rain to the drugstore to buy a test - and then it was negative. Then my period started within a matter of hours. Duh! I could have done without this experience this week. I became in touch with too many feelings that I didn't need.

Okay.... enough random ramblings from me today.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

A new nephew

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 14:20:18 GMT

I have a new nephew. Jackson Parker Finley was born at 11:44pm last night. He weighs 7lbs even, and is 19 inches long.

My sister only had three more contractions after getting off the phone with me.. then he was born!!

Neither of us had any idea that she was that close to delivering when I talked to her.

All is well with mom and baby. Now, I'm waiting to see pictures.

Labor

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 05:15:34 GMT

My sister is in labor with her son. She lives far away so I don't get a chance to be there with her. That makes me a bit sad.

But, I got a chance to talk her through a contraction! I called to check on her to see how she was and she started having a contraction while she was on the phone. It was cool for me to be able to coach her and talk her through it. She is doing so amazing.

I'll post tomorrow about my new nephew!

Creativity

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 04:28:28 GMT

I had lunch today with friends at a Chinese restaurant. I laughed when I saw my fortune. I was going to post it here - but alas - it fell out of my pocket and I've lost it.

Anyways...... the fortune said something like my creative skills would soon be known.

I thought it was rather ironic - that just yesterday I decided I wanted to pick up crocheting again. I went to the store and bought new crochet hooks and some yarn. I always enjoyed crocheting, but always got bored with projects, like blankets and could never finish them.

So, I've recently found an interest in the cute little crochet toys for kids, balls, stuffed animals, etc. They are small enough that I shouldn't get bored with them - so that is my new goal.

I started last night - and refreshed my self with the basics - and I'm working on reading a pattern.

We'll see.....

The most amazing feeling

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 03:50:00 GMT

I experienced something incredibly amazing tonight.

I attended the Democratic caucus in Kansas - to show my support for Barack Obama. I didn't know what to expect, as I've never participated in a caucus before.

My location was at my daughter's middle school. An inner-city school in the center of a struggling neighborhood. And, it was hear that I witnessed history in the making.

I knew I was in for an interesting night when I arrived 30 minutes early and had to park a block and a half away from the school. It took me almost 30 minutes to get through the doors to register. I was immediately greeted by fellow Obama supporters - with a sticker, which I'm still wearing proudly.

The lunchroom, was quickly becoming more and more crowded. Half of the room was intended for Hillary supporters - the other half for Obama supporters. Well - the Obama crowd quickly spread across their half - and poured over into the media area - and the area intended for those that were undetermined.

While we waited to begin I joined the group in Obama chants such as "Yes We Can" and "Fired up. Ready to go" and "Obama Obama Obama" There was even a man playing the banjo and leading us in cheers. The Obama committee walked through the crowd, distributing bottled water, cookies, and soda. I enjoyed conversation with the crowd around me and was soon joined by both my mother and father.

We were packed in like sardines - standing room only - and no room to move. It was hot and uncomfortable. But, so amazing. At one point I started to tear up. I just felt so moved by this huge group of people that were willing to come out in a snow storm to represent the change that we are all fighting for, for our country.

Our Governor, Kathleen Sebelius has publicly endorsed Obama, and she spoke tonight for Obama. She was so motivating.

So, crammed in this little lunchroom, probably with a max capacity size of no more than 200 people - we had 901 individuals come out to show their support for their candidate.

After the final caucus count - Obama was a victor! With, 635 votes, compared to Clinton's 213.

Obama won 10 delegates tonight!

I feel so proud to have been able to participate in this event. And, I thank my friend Kim for getting me involved and telling me I should go. I'm glad I went - and I'm proud to have done my part to help foster the change that our country so desperately needs.

A song that captures the beauty of cosleeping

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 13:42:13 GMT

This is a song by Ingrid Michaelson that I adore! When I listen to the words, it reminds me of how I feel when I wake up with a sleeping babe.

Here is a link to here the song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmlDWR1QGuk

Here are the lyrics.

yesterday
i woke up
with your head on my arm
my hand was numb
circulation gone
but i dared not move
the pretty sleeping one

the sun had painted
patterns on your face
as you breathe sunday air

rode on to my open arms
i became your pillow
you let me smooth your hair

i will sing you morning lullabies
you are beautiful, and peaceful this way

i know you have to close your eyes
on everyone, let me help you,
ill sing you to sleep
with morning lullabies

let me lie in the curve
of your body tonight
and i will hear you
tumble into sleep
i will watch you heal
i will watch you heal with me

i will sing you morning lullabies
you are beautiful, and peaceful this way
i know you have to close your eyes on everyone
let me help you, ill sing you to sleep
with morning lullabies

i know you have to close your eyes on everyone
let me help you
ill sing you to sleep
with morning lullabye..bye baby

close your eyes
and i will sing you
morning lullabies

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 02:05:26 GMT

Score: 33
I have some hippie in me.
Cool, man.

Take the elitemrp.net "Are you a Hippie?" Test
http://elitemrp.net/hippytest.shtml

Defining my style

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:11:27 GMT

At age 32, I'm realizing that I've never really defined my own personal style. As far as clothing and what not.

In college I was grunge as hell. (thanking Bons for the term)

After I dropped out of college, I returned to my urban home and basically lived in jeans and tees.

I got married at age 20, and then joined the professional business world. Being young and poor, I couldn't afford nice work clothes - so I lived in the hand-me-downs of my mother and aunt. Meaning - I looked like an old woman. Well - not old. But older than my 20 yrs.

This continued through my twenties. And, with the weight gain added in to the picture - I refused to invest much in clothes because I didn't want to admit that I was big and was going to stay big for awhile. So, I bought most of my clothes on clearance at Kohls or at walmart, or Fashion Bug.

So, I'm going through some serious personal growth in my life right now. And part of that is thinking about my personal style. I miss the days of baggy jeans and flannel. I'm drawn to crystals and pretties. I miss my grunge days. But, I also have to fit into the professional world. And, you just don't see much of that here. ;)

I think I shall seek some guidance from some of my buddies.

Cancer SUCKS!

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:36:37 GMT

My coworker Terry passed away today. She has been sick since September but just received a cancer diagnosis 24 days ago.

24 days! WTF??

I'm sad. I'm sad for her family and her friends. I knew Terry well, but wasn't incredibly close to her - so the affect her death has on me isn't quite as severe as other co-workers.

She was so young. She left behind a daughter in her twenties.

I just can't believe she is gone so quick. She was given a 6 month prognosis. She went into hospice last weekend for pain management. The plan was to give her 24hr care to get her on the right meds for pain, and then release her. I had a feeling when she went into hospice, that she would not go back home. But I am in utter shock that this happened so quickly.

I am a strong believer that when someone is dying - they get to choose their time. I believe the psyche has much control over this kind of thing. So, I'm sure Terry was just so tired of hanging on and dealing with the pain. I just hope she had a chance to say what she wanted to say to her family before she died.

Peace to Terry and her family. XXOOXXOOXXOO

Butterfly Goddess

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 23:37:37 GMT

I bought myself a Goddess necklace today. She is the Butterfly Goddess - representing Growth.

"The connection betweetn the body, mind, and spirit enables us to transform challenges into opportunities for growth during periods of transition and change in our life."

Are you a Yankee or a Dixie?€

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 19:27:22 GMT

Click here to find out:

http://www.angelfire.com/ak2/intelligencerreport/yankee_dixie_quiz.html

Apparently I'm 53% Dixie- which is pretty fitting as I spent most of my childhood in Florida.

Learning to love myself

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 21:55:51 GMT

Recently, I've been on a unknown journey. What I mean by that is that I've been on a journey of learning to love myself and I didn't know I was on this particular journey.

As I continue to take care of my body by eating foods that are good and healthy, and drinking the water my body needs, it is all a part of loving myself. And I didn't even know it.

I really felt it this morning. I was running out to the grocery store. And usually I don't care much about my appearance on the weekends - I'll run errands in my yoga pants and comfy shirts and not think twice about it.

But today was different. I decided to wear my jeans - and a nice shirt. I also put in earrings and a necklace. And, wore perfume. It felt good.

So what if I'm overweight? I know I am - and so does everyone else that sees me. It isn't like hiding in frumpy baggy clothes really makes it go away. It is who I am - so I embraced it today and left the house in style.

Fast Food

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 01:46:50 GMT

I've been avoiding fast food for myself. I accepted a challenge to not eat it all week. I made two trips ---- count them.... two ---- through the drive thru for dinner and didn't get myself anything! Yay me!

I had to pick up dinner for the kids and then drop them off at drums. Then to another drive thru to get dinner for DH and Alaina.

Then I came home and steamed some fresh green beans and ate them with fresh parm. Yummy.

100 Random things about me

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 03:22:58 GMT

I’m the youngest child, but sometimes act the oldest
I’m a preacher’s kid
My brother is one of my best friends
My favorite color is green – because it looks awesome with my hazel eyes
My toenails are always too long </div>
I want a tattoo
I’m waiting until I reach a personal health goal to get one
And – also waiting so a fellow APUer can join me J
I look awesome in my Senior Pictures
I wish I had those legs again
I’m a perfectionist
Sometimes it is too extreme and I’m too hard on myself
I only have a few close friends
But they are good ones
I don’t drink
But I plan on drinking on my Vegas trip in June
My first car was a hand-me-down from my brother, 1980 Chevy Monza
I sang “Wash that Man Right out of my Hair” in a school talent performance
I had to wear a wig because I had short hair at the time
When I cut my hair short, I left a tail in the front left side.
I often kept it braided
It was a comfort to me
I used to work at McDonalds
I loved that job
I wish I’d finished college
I wish my partner understood me better
I love being a mom
But it is so much work
Sometimes I just want to sleep all day… but I can’t
I love getting compliments
I like to sing
I think my voice has gotten worse over the years
I learned to play piano when I was 2
I can’t play anymore
I went to an all girls college… until I dropped out
I used to never be able to stay awake past 10 – even on weekends
Now I can stay up much later
I lied to my parents a lot
Too much
All my girls were born in the same room
I love chocolate
I smoked throughout most of high school and college
Marlboro Reds, Lights, Marlboro Menthol and Newports
When I was 16, I was scared to drive in the rain
I saw a man get stabbed
I have naturally curly hair
I was first introduced to coffee by my college roommate
I hated her
But – loved coffee ever since
I have a 14 yr old nephew that I haven’t seen in 7 years
I’ve been a bridesmaid twice, will be three in June
I’ve dated men of 7 races
My spouse is not my best friend
I don’t enjoy exercise
I love book stores
I enjoy the light
My spouse does not – the house is always too dark for me
I like eating healthy, but often have to do it alone
In my mind’s eye, I’m not overweight.
I’m searching for more spirituality
I love to hear baby giggles
I want a new cell phone
I’m proud of my job
My laptop makes me lazy
I have too many material things
I love Jack Johnson
I’d like to be on the show Moment of Truth
I sleep in a warm water bed
I hate laundry
I have piles of it in my room that always needs put away
I don’t bathe my baby enough
I hate people who are late
I get motion sick
I don’t go to movies because I don’t know if I’ll fit in the seat
I have restless legs syndrome
I like being alone
One of my favorite phrases – Fake it till you make it – my Dad taught me that
My mom taught me: Don’t let another person control your emotions.
I love LOLcats
I spend so much time online that I often want to refer to my husband as DH in conversations
I was in Gifted programs in school
Sometimes I get anxious and I don’t know why
My feet are cold
I have too much debt
Both of my grandfathers died of cancer, so did my uncle
I love Adam Sandler
2007 was the first year I didn’t enjoy Christmas music
It was also the first year that I didn’t attend church on Christmas Eve
I wish my 11yr old wasn’t growing up and away from me
I love listening to my baby say new words
I love Stewie on the Family Guy
I bought myself an IPod Touch
I love granola
My house has hard wood floors
Photography is my favorite form of art
I used to collect cows.
My best friend and I’ve known each other for 21 years
I regret not breastfeeding my children
I miss the ocean
I enjoyed this.

What I've been journaling about

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 00:03:49 GMT

What I've been journaling about!

Create your own! By ga_woo using Web Services by Yahoo!

Cultural Creatives

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 02:39:00 GMT

Being a Cultural Creative - "It means that you hunger for a deep change in your life that moves you in the direction of less stress, more health, lower consumption, more spirituality, more respect for the earth and the diversity within and among the species that inhabit her."

This is me!

My mom shared this term with me today - so I found the website. www.culturalcreatives.org

I can't wait to read the book.

A quote from the website.
"In this era, our biggest challenges are to preserve and sustain life on the planet and find a way past the overwhelming spiritual and psychological emptiness of modern life. Cultural Creatives are responding to these challenges with solutions directed toward healing and integration."

The trials and joys of the Twos.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 02:02:01 GMT

I'm not enjoying this phase that Alaina is in these days. She is definitely showng her two-ness. And, she can never make up her mind what she wants. One minute she is hungry - fix her something to eat and she just plays with it. One minute she won't let me hold her, read to her, play with her and the next she wants to cuddle and hold my hair. Holding my hair has been her comfort since she was an infant. She uses it calm herself and oftens falls asleep with a fistful of hair. I even woke up one night to find her toes wrapped through my hair. Aah the joys of cosleeping.

Just typing this I've amazed myself. What started as a journal post about this frustrating age has turned into a thoughtful review of some of her quirks and funky traits.

I do love that kid. She is so wild and funny - and has a crazy way of talking. She loves to communicate and makes sure she is heard! She is a great charmer and can talk her way into almost anything. She LOVES her sisters - they are HERS! They belong to her. She calls them "my Paige" and "my Chelcie."

Oh my sweet, wild, crazy, stubborn and fascinating Alaina.

Healthy Living

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 17:49:00 GMT

I've started out the new year with a new attitude about my health - and it feels good.

I'm working on cutting out the processed foods - and cooking meals with REAL inredients - not from a package. I got a new healthy cookbook this week and I've picked three new recipes to try.

X - that is me crossing fingers that they turn out okay!

Also- I've lost 4.6 lbs this week. Yay!

A great start to a healthy me

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 01:52:10 GMT

So - I'm off to a great start on a new healthier path. More exercise, more healthy eating, less processed foods.

Yesterday I swam, today I walked and fixed a yummy healthy dinner for the family.

Yeah Me!

My New Years Resolutions - LOL

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 04:30:51 GMT

The Next Big Thing

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 04:23:23 GMT

I just finished the book The Next Big Thing by Johanna Edwards. It is a funny easy read about a 27 yr old single woman who is overweight. She has an online boyfriend who thinks she is thin - her first big mistake. Well - she decides to try out for a reality TV show called From Fat to Fabulous.

I really enjoyed this book. At this stage in my life, as I'm about to embark on another journey to get healthy and lose weight myself, I really appreciated the humor about overeating and weight loss that this book gave me.

Remembrance and Peace

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 23:15:56 GMT

I just had a lovely phone conversation with my grandmother. One year ago today, my grandfather passed away after a lengthy battle with cancer. One year ago, this week, we were heading to Florida to spend a lovely 10 days with my grandmother. And all of my siblings were there. It was a joyous celebration of Grandpa Fred's life and a celebration that we could all be together to share that time.

So today, my grandmother is peaceful. She went to the hospital chapel and prayed and enjoyed the stained glass windows made by an old family friend. She then found the gift shop and bought herself an angel - holding a dove. On her drive home, as she pulled into her neighborhod, there sat a dove on the roof of the clubhouse - an unusual sight.

I also learned that every morning my grandmother prays for her children, grandchidren, and great grandchildren. I have such a warm feeling knowing that she thinks of me each day as she performs that ritual.

Happy New Year

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 17:18:43 GMT

I'm looking forward to this new year - with lots of positive changes. And looking back on 2007 on the great things that happened:

I got a new job that I love, with a boss that is friendly and respectful, in a very positive environment.
I've been reunited with a friend at work, who I now get the pleasure of sitting next to everyday.
I learned that I am a strong woman, who can stand up for herself when necessary.

Happy New Year all!